Malay Weddings: Raphael & Alena's Akad Nikah & Bersanding
chiqweddings 2011.06.06 19:26:14
By Alena Couzet
As any person who embraced a new religion would tell you, the spiritual (& actual) version of the conversion is relatively fuss-free because it would usually involve a declaration to embrace that religion & to attest to your belief in God. At the end of the day, it is between you & God and as long as both of you know it, that's all that matters.
The formal side of things can get quite complicated, depending on the religious authority you go to (as you know, in Malaysia, Syariah Law is administered at the state level & may vary from one state to another).
The simplest version I have heard from some friends is to visit the religious authority office (address of the offices are easily obtained from the authorities' websites - the websites will also inform you of the necessary documents that you will need to bring with you). All you need to do is walk in and tell the officer in charge that you wish to convert to the Islam. The ustaz will then request for you to read the kalimah syahadah (attestation of your belief in Allah, and that Muhammad p.b.u.h. is His prophet) in the presence of two Muslim witnesses. You will then be issued an official letter and a card as proof of your conversion.
In certain states, the process can be more complicated. The department will issue a letter but will only give you the card after three months (which is the only document that certain state religious authorities will consider as valid proof), conditional upon proof of attending weekly Islamic studies classes (more often than not conducted fully in Bahasa Melayu) for at least 6-8 weeks.
We were unfortunate in that we had been guided to the state religious authority who was adamant about giving the card to us after 3 months (at least), which would fall after the date of our planned akad nikah. However, we were blessed that the marriage officiant was kind enough to understand our predicament & agreed that the conversion letter was sufficient documentation to enable us to be lawfully wed.
How did you plan your Akad Nikah & “Bersanding”?
We planned it jointly with my parents as both affairs were to take place at their house
How do you find an Imam for the Akad Nikah?
My family ustaz is a qualified marriage officiant with JAIS (Jabatan Agama Islam Selangor), and he helped us find a qadi for the Shah Alam area who could speak English so Raphael can recite the ijab qabul in English (he wanted to be able to understand his marriage vows, and it was also for the benefit of our relatives and friends who don't speak Bahasa Melayu).
Who attends the Akad?
It would usually be the bride & groom's parents, immediate family, relatives and close friends.
Who attends the bersanding?
The same people who would have attended the akad nikah, plus other friends and neighbours.
How long does the Akad Nikah ceremony last for?
About 30-45 minutes
What is the significance of the kompang and where do you get the kompang boys from?
An event management company helped to source the kompang boys. The playing of the kompang is a traditional Malay way of welcoming guests or played when celebrating an important event.
What is an Akad Nikah and what is ‘bersanding’?
Akad nikah is the actual wedding ceremony whereby the groom reads his vows, taking the bride as his wife. Bersanding is a Malay traditional blessing ceremony for the bride and groom. The bride and groom as "king and queen of the day" will sit on the pelamin (their "throne") whilst the parents and closest relatives toss rose water, bunga rampai and yellow rice at them as a symbol of blessing them as they embark on their new lives as husband & wife. This gesture is known as merenjis.
The décor was exquisite. Whose idea was it?
Thank you! I wanted to recreate the feeling of dining under the stars and I wanted the decor to be romantic and fun at the same time. So I decided to have a clear canopy with lots of fairy lights, dangling crystal chains and candles, whilst my wedding planner Flora etc proposed to use patterned table clothes and add white feathers to the floral arrangements.
You had a Malay-style buffet for the Kenduri. What was on the menu?
Sup kambing (mutton soup), fish with sambal, several types of vegetable dishes, lamb and chicken curry. We also provided a lot of vegetarian options and ensured that no beef was served to respect our Hindu and Buddhist friends.
Who was your caterer and how much did it cost?
Felda D'Saji. It cost us approximately RM50 per head.
How to place an order
All you have to do is contact Felda D'Saji and tell them what you want and for how many people you want to cater for.
Did you have a wedding cake at your Akad or Bersanding?
No, we didn't
What is ‘Hantaran’?
Hantaran are gifts that the bride and groom exchange
What do you have to give each other?
There's no hard and fast rule about it. But from the groom, it will usually consist of the dowry, wedding ring and tepak sirih. For the bride, the customary gifts she would give to the groom would be sirih junjung, an item of clothing, bunga rampai (symbolic of making your marriage "fragrant") and a sweet/chocolate or cake (to "sweeten your marriage).
What’s the tradition/custom behind it?
It is a symbol of their first offerings to each other as husband and wife
What did you and your husband wear and how did you decide on your wedding attire?
I wore a modern kurung made of songket with Swarovski crystal beading for the akad nikah. For the sanding, I wore a French lace kebaya with pearl beading. I wanted to wear something traditional but with a modern twist for the wedding. Raphael wore a white baju melayu with a white songket that matched my baju kurung.
Who designed your dress and how long before your wedding did you have to make your dresses?
Zang Toi. I made arrangements six months prior to the wedding.
How many fittings did you have to go for
Three. The first was for the tailor to confirm my measurements before he cut the cloth, and then once more when the dress was ready, and the final fitting was two days before the wedding.
How much did the dresses cost you?
The three outfits for the akad nikah, bersanding & tea reception cost me RM8,000
Tell us about the wedding favors:
They were egg in little pails. My father is from Johor, and the traditional Johorean wedding favour is telur pindang (herbal tea eggs). I wanted a simple holder for the egg that was unique (& wouldn't make our guest feel too guilty if they decided to throw it away!), so we decided on the pails.
Tell us about the bunga telur:
The bunga telur was silver & pink and were given out to guests who had participated in the merenjis ceremony
Where did you order them from?
I ordered them from a shop on Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman which sells items for Malay weddings
How long before your wedding did you need to order the favors?
One month
Who did your hair and makeup?
Sue Cantik
How did you find her?
She had previously done make up & hair for my cousin's wedding
How much did it cost?
RM1,500
Photos by Anna-Rina
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